Self at Work with Simone Knego

Aicila: [00:00:00] Today I'm delighted to feature international speaker, bestselling author, and confidence coach Simone Knego. Simone is dedicated to empowering women to overcome self-doubt and live purpose-driven lives. Her philosophy is a perfect fit for our show, as she champions kitchen table leadership.

Which emphasizes that true leadership is performed through everyday choices. Simone's approach detailed in her book, the Extraordinary Unordinary You and On Her Globally Ranked Podcast, her unshakeable confidence focuses on cultivating genuine self-assurance through her real method. We'll delve into how her transformative work helps entrepreneurs build systems that reflect their values and achieve sustainable growth. Her newest book, real Confidence, A Simple Guide To Go From Unsure to Unshakeable, Launches February, 2026. Welcome to the show, Simone.

Simone: Thank you for having me.

Aicila: I'm so excited to have this conversation with you.

Let's dive right in. Uh, we talk about what kitchen table [00:01:00] leadership is.

Simone: Absolutely. I truly believe that we've been sold this very narrow view of what leadership is. It's the corner office. It's the boardroom. It's the title. But I believe that leadership is what we do every single day. So many ever, our big decisions happen around the kitchen table, right? The good, the bad, the ugly.

Those are where those moments begin. And that's why I kind of call it kitchen table leadership because we've never been told that those decisions are leadership. So we've never thought about it that way.

Aicila: Hmm.

Simone: And you know, it's the messy moments, the behind the scenes, it's. Parenting. It's all those different things.

That's leadership. But again, because nobody's ever called it that. We haven't seen it that way.

Aicila: Mm-hmm. I think that's really true. One of the challenges that you mentioned that you see a lot is self-doubt. Can you share a little more about that?

Simone: Yeah, I would say, you know, if you look at statistics, it's actually crazy. And especially right now for looking at confidence in the workplace. I [00:02:00] mean, we are truly in a confidence crisis. It's the lowest con confidence level. Pretty much in our history that people are feeling in the workplace. And you know, we struggle across the board.

I mean, 80% of women say they struggle with low self-esteem. I would imagine it's actually more than that. I think some people just didn't answer the survey right, because. hard. There are so many things happening and we live in this social media world where people look and say, oh my gosh, that person has the most amazing life.

Why? Why don't I have that? And you doubt yourself. And for me, I doubted myself for many years. Nothing to do with social media. 'cause it didn't exist back then,

Aicila: We had doubt before social

Simone: oh

Aicila: I'm gonna affirm that for anybody who isn't aware.

Simone: yes, doubt has existed since the beginning of time. But I really struggled for years, and I had a pivotal moment in my life where it really changed [00:03:00] everything for me.

And it was the whole idea of, you know, getting out of my own way, getting outta my comfort zone. Right? Being comfortable getting uncomfortable, because growth doesn't happen if you stay doing the same thing all of the time.

Aicila: Yeah, no. If you wanna change your life, you have to change your life,

Simone: Mm. Yeah.

And so many of the things that we do it, I truly believe it. The way we talk to ourselves is huge. So our words matter. So if you're constantly telling yourself that you're not good enough, you're not pretty enough, you're not smart enough, whatever the not enough is. Then that becomes your reality.

Because if we can believe, and, and this is, this is my challenge to you, is that if we can believe that. We're not good enough. Why can't we believe that we are? Right? So if we're constantly telling ourselves that we're not capable, what if we started telling ourselves we are more than capable? What a difference would that make?

Aicila: Right.

Sometimes I think the words [00:04:00] are confusing. Like I, I feel like

there are times when I didn't realize that I didn't think I was enough because it wasn't necessarily how I thought about it. It was like, oh, I need more training

Simone: Hmm. Yes.

Aicila: or I, I, I can't do that because I'm, I don't have all the skills. Right. And so I, I know if you, you, how do you think you could parse that?

Like, if, how do you, how do you, 'cause you don't wanna be like, well, no, you don't think you're enough. Like, that's a,

Simone: No.

Aicila: but how do you, how do you help someone sort of connect to that being a barrier that they have when they're maybe caught up in this? I don't know what I was caught up in, like the practicalities of it.

Simone: Yeah, I think anytime we, um, and I don't even wanna say excuse, but anytime we respond to something which shows that we, we need more training or we need someone else to tell us what to do. It really shows that we're thinking that we're not capable of it. So, you know, there's statistics about [00:05:00] when a woman applies to a job versus a man. A man will apply with like 60% of the qualifications A woman waits until she has a hundred percent.

Okay, well that means you're overqualified, right? I think that we need to take a step back and say, why am I saying these things? Why is this my belief pattern? What has happened in my past that I feel like. I'm not ready for this opportunity, right? Because if you wait until you feel ready, it won't happen.

You have to take the action even when you don't feel ready to take the action. Like again, that's where growth happens. But for so many women, especially. We look at that and say, oh yeah, I'm not ready. Like someone else, someone else is gonna do a better job than me at that. And I'll, I'll give you like, my mom is a, a is an extreme example of this.

So she's 86 years old now. She grew up on a farm in rural Pennsylvania. Her mom had a sixth grade education. Her dad worked in the coal mines [00:06:00] and in 10th grade. And, and what she was taught was that you're, you're gonna. Cook, clean and sew, like you're gonna marry a man, you're gonna cook, clean and sew. And you know, again, very small town.

And her parents were from Eastern Europe. It was, you know, so she, in 10th grade, she walked into a building that she thought was a church. It was actually the public library. And that moment changed her life. Because she didn't know the worlds that existed out there, right. The, the words on a page changed her life. And she ended up going to, she got into University of Pittsburgh in 1957. And in 1961 she got into the University of Pittsburgh Medical School, and there were 120 people in her class, five of them were women. And she had to change the way she saw herself, right? It wasn't that, poor me. It was like, okay, what do I need to be doing? And yes, she had to work that much harder. But so many of the obstacles we [00:07:00] have are because we tell ourselves s you know, stories, we tell our, and my challenge is tell yourself a better story, right?

Because your words become your reality,

Aicila: right. You're gonna tell a story anyway. Tell, tell one that, that, that has a little bit better you, uh, plot

Simone: What's the story you would tell your best friend?

I mean, you wouldn't tell your best friend, oh, you're never gonna get that job, or You're not ready for that. You'd be like, yes, go get it. Go do it.

Right? Do the same thing for yourself.

Aicila: Yeah, that's great advice. This leap feeds a little bit into this, but one of the things that you talk about is that confidence is a skill. And that you build it. So can you share a little about that perspective. And maybe some tips that you see and how people can do that?

Simone: Yeah, I always thought that confidence was something other people had and I didn't. I mean, I, I struggled for a really long time with those beliefs. And what I realized over time is it's like anything else. It's like going to the gym. It's like learning how to cook. It's [00:08:00] any of these skills that we have. You have to practice them.

Right? You don't. Go to a gym one time and then all of a sudden you're like super fit. No, you work on it over time. And it's the same thing with confidence. It's the way you talk to yourself every single day. Like, do you really wanna wake up and say, okay, this is gonna be the worst day ever and I suck?

No. Right. So it's, it's changing the narrative of that. And it took me a long time to realize that. Because I struggled so much with not believing that I was enough or not believing and, you know, I didn't think I was capable of all of these different things.

Aicila: What, can you share the, it sounds like there was an experience or an awakening. Could you share a little bit about what that was?

Simone: Yeah, so I actually had a kind of crazy turning point. Not saying anybody El else should go do this, but I, I was asked to do something completely outta my comfort zone. I was asked to climb a mountain. And I live in Florida at sea level. We have 16 steps. I've gone camping twice, [00:09:00] right? I mean. Not something that I really ever thought, oh yeah, this is what I wanna do. But in the moment I feel like I really needed that push.

So I was asked to climb Kilimanjaro, uh, which is in Tanzania 19,341 feet. And I said yes. And I've had plenty of people ask me like, why would you say yes to that? And I can't tell you why I said yes. I think, I think the biggest thing is that I needed to get out of my own way. I needed to get outta my comfort zone. Because I knew that I had been playing small.

I knew that I was, you know, I was doing things where I was like, yeah, this is just what I do every day. Right. And that experience really changed my life. So I'm not saying go climb a mountain. But find something that, you know, puts you outside of your comfort zone so that you do realize what you're capable of.

And that was what that journey was for me. I completely changed the way I saw myself. And you know, [00:10:00] I'm not a believer in that we need to change who we are. But I strongly believe is, is in that we need to change the way we see ourselves. And a lot of times it takes a big moment to say, oh wait, I never thought I could run a 5K.

I did it. Wow. You know, things like that where you challenge your beliefs of what you're capable of.

Aicila: Yeah, sounds like surprise yourself.

Simone: Yeah,

Aicila: And, and see what happens.

Simone: absolutely.

Aicila: So that's fantastic. What does success look like for you?

Simone: Ooh. Success is really about being happy where you are in the moment. I mean, it's not about the amount of money I have in the bank. I mean, a big part of success for me is raising good humans. I have six children, so raising good humans is, is huge for me. But I think so often we correlate success with a a dollar sign or a title.

And to me it's not that at all. Like, are you happy where you are? Are you in [00:11:00] a, a relationship that you wanna be in? Are you doing the best you can where you are, instead of saying, oh, well I need something bigger all the time. And I think so often that's what we see on social media. That's why what we see in the world is that you have to aspire to to the next big thing.

And to me, it's the little things you do every day. That's what really matters. Those are what really matters.

Aicila: Yeah, I agree with that. What advice would you give your 18-year-old self?

Simone: I'm not a person that likes to go back in time, but I, 'cause I think that everything that I've done in my life has brought me to this moment in time. But if I had to go back in time, uh, so I had, from the time I was 15 until I was 18, I was in an abusive relationship. And I, that really affected the rest of my path moving forward. Until I had this awakening of like, no, [00:12:00] there's no shame. You know, it's not your fault. Like it was a, a big process for me to go through. I stuffed it down for a long time. So if I did go back in time, I would say that you are capable of more than you ever think. Right? You like, there's so many things that you're going to be able to do and don't let anybody else tell you, you know what you're able to do. Because what matters is that you respect yourself. And yes, there'll be bumps along the road, but you have to create that belief within yourself so that you can move forward. And so that you don't think of any kind of failures as something that that's you. You're a failure. No. If you failed at something, you failed at something. You learn from it, you move forward.

But because you failed at something, doesn't make you a failure.

Aicila: Right. I mean, it's usually the, the path to our passions, right? You,

Simone: Mm-hmm.

Aicila: You keep trying until, until you find the right, right mix of things.

Simone: Yeah, I've, I've changed my mind [00:13:00] many times in my life. I, so I started off my, well, I, I was gonna be a doctor and I failed organic chemistry. And then I got a D in it the second time and I was like, okay, well I don't think I'm going to medical school with those grades. And, uh, I ended up going into accounting.

It wasn't really what I exactly what I wanted to do. But my dad's like, you're really good at math. This is what you should do. Okay, fine. And, and then I, but I changed my mind many times after that. I mean, I went back to school to be a teacher. I ran a summer camp, taught horseback riding lessons. I flipped houses.

I went into medical sales. Until I really found what I was passionate about. And that is storytelling and helping other women realize what they're capable of. So the podcasting, the speaking, the writing- like that has been li life changing for me.

Aicila: Wow, that's fantastic. So one of the things that you used, what's called the real method, and then you have a book coming out. Can you talk a little bit about those things?

Simone: Yeah, [00:14:00] so the real method really came out of my, um, journey to Kilimanjaro and beyond. I mean, that was really how that started. I wanted to kind of look back and say, okay, what was the transformation that happened for me. So that's where the real method came from. So it stands for respect yourself, embrace your failures, ask yourself what you want, and live without limits.

And the reason, other than really liking the word real, like be real. Uh, the reason that I started with respect yourself was because I remember as a kid being taught to respect my elders, my peers. But never once do I remember being taught that the most important person to respect is yourself and. I think that's so important.

It's something that we need to be teaching our children something that we need to be, you know, reminding ourselves all the time. Because I hear a lot of people say, well, you know, I'm going to this meeting and I'm gonna demand respect. I see it differently. You have to demonstrate it. You have to demonstrate it to yourself so that people know [00:15:00] how they can treat you.

Right? So if. Angry all the time, and they're not gonna treat you either. They're gonna be angry, right? It's, it's about really showing that here, these are my boundaries and I'm not gonna let people dump work on me, and I need to take care of myself. Self-care is huge, and when people start seeing that, then that's how they're gonna treat you.

Aicila: Yep. No, it's really true. Can do you have an example that you can share of something that, you know, obviously you're not identifying, but a time that you saw this working for somebody or.

Simone: Yeah, absolutely. So I mean. That whole idea. I, I would say about myself and so many other women. I, I used to call myself the yes girl. And so I'll give an example of a client who, um, you know, she would say yes to everything because for fear of disappointing someone, for fear of missing out on something. And when you say yes to everything, then [00:16:00] you, you can't get it all done. Right? So the idea of setting a boundary and saying, no, I like my job is this. And I'm not gonna take on your work because you're so used to me just saying, oh yeah, I'll do it all. Don't worry. I'll do it all. It's a group project, I'll do it all.

And that idea where she said no, these, these are how we're, this is how we're splitting up the roles. And this is your part. This is my part. And we'll make sure to make the committee aware that how we're splitting this up. So that they know when we turn it in, if they have questions, who they should ask.

So instead of saying, I'm gonna blame you if you know you don't turn in your work. It's more like, okay, if there's a question about it, this is the person that you should ask about this piece. And it stopped the, like the, the dumping on her of constantly saying, oh yeah, she'll do it all. Just, just put it on her desk.

No, no.

Aicila: Yeah. [00:17:00] Well, if you don't have a strong No, your yes is absolutely meaningless.

Simone: Yeah. I think no. No is way more important than the Yes. Right, because as soon as you say no, you open the door for the yeses that are really important to you.

Aicila: Right, exactly. They can be more intentional instead of reactive. So you have a book coming out, next month. And what are other things that are happening that people could, do you have programs or are there things that you're developing that you're excited to share?

Simone: Yeah, absolutely. I have group coaching starting in January. I do one-on-one coaching, but I've been asked to move into a group format as well, so I'm doing that. I am creating a mastermind, so there's a lot of good things happening. I'm most excited about my book because I feel like I've put a lot of, this is my second book.

My first book came out in 2020. That book was called The Extraordinary Unordinary You and that one was all about realizing what you're capable of and recognizing that the little things you do every day matter. We [00:18:00] have six kids. In that book I talked about, uh, our youngest three, their adoptions.

I talked about climbing Kilimanjaro and just a, it's, it's a self-help book without telling you exactly what to do. So the interesting feedback I got was like, tell me exactly what to do. So in my second book, which is so funny, right? But in my second book that comes out in, in February, it's called Real Confidence, A Simple Guide to Go From Un Unsure to Unshakeable.

And that has a lot of frameworks and exercises and, you know, really great stories, but also very specific details on like, okay, when you're struggling with this, try this.

And I, again, I'm really excited because it's been three years of work on this one, um, for it to come out.

Aicila: That's fantastic. Well, I look forward to that. For folks that are listening and wanna learn more, follow you, get in touch, what's the best way for them to do that?

Simone: Best way is really my website, Simone cango.com. S-I-M-O-N-E-K-N-E-G-O. You can see. [00:19:00] All the different things that are happening there. You can find me on social media as well. And you can find my new book@realconfidencebook.com, which has a bunch of different pre-order bonuses, including a really fun reverse interview that I do with my daughter.

So I have a podcast with my 22-year-old daughter called Her Unshakable Confidence. And you know, the goal of that podcast was, you know, to get her. They're quicker than I made it. Right. In terms of, you know, how you feel about yourself. So, um, we've been recording for two years and that's been an absolute blast.

Aicila: That's awesome. I love that. Well, thank you so much for joining me today and sharing what you're up to.

Simone: Yeah. Thank you so much for having me. I.

Thank you for tuning into business as unusual, remember, in this ever evolving world of modern business, it's not about fitting in.

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