Networking Unplugged with Melissa Snow
[00:00:00] Welcome to today's episode of Business as Unusual. Today I'm chatting with Melissa Snow, founder of the Powerful Women Rising Community. We're gonna unpack why authentic networking is so much more than a sales pitch and how you can make it feel good even if you're shy, introverted, or just tired of traditional transactional approaches.
Get ready to rethink what business connections really mean and how they can work for you.
Aicila: Welcome to the show, Melissa.
Melissa: Hi. Thank you so much for having me.
Aicila: Well, I, I am super excited to be chatting with you and, just to give you guys a little bit information on Melissa. She is a business relationship strategist and she's dedicated to empowering women to thrive in entrepreneurship. So listen up after establishing and growing two successful businesses, she founded the Powerful Women Rising Community, which provides women with strategy, connections, and resources they need for real business growth.
She's also a speaker and trainer on a mission to revolutionize networking, promoting authenticity, [00:01:00] and genuine connections over salesy weirdo tactics. We'll definitely be talking about more of that.
She's the host of the popular Powerful Women Rising Podcast and lives in Colorado with two dogs, a cat, and any number of foster kittens. She loves Iced Coffee, Taylor Swift, and buying books she will never read. So there you go. There's a little bit about Melissa. Thanks for joining me today.
Melissa: parts.
Aicila: The foster kittens, I mean, I feel like that indicates that you have some real discipline because to take a kitten in and then allow the kitten to leave. That first part, I think a lot of us are okay with, but that second part that feels unique.
Melissa: Yeah, I would. That's funny. I was just having this conversation this morning with another foster and I said, people say all the time, like, oh my gosh, I could never do that. I would have such a hard time letting them go. And what I started doing when I first started fostering was my cats or my kittens got adopted, I took a picture of them with their new family. And I print those pictures and I put 'em on the wall in the foster room. And looking at that wall of pictures just reminds me all the time, like those cats were never [00:02:00] meant to be yours. Those
Aicila: Yeah.
Melissa: meant to be with those people, and that actually really helps a lot. And I've been doing it for two and a half years, and I've only had one foster fail, so I
Aicila: Oh, really?
Melissa: doing pretty good.
Aicila: I mean, that sounds, I mean, that sounds great and. That's really beautiful, honestly.
Melissa: Thank
Aicila: you for sharing.
Melissa: 'em foster fails. I feel like that should be like the foster success.
Aicila: What is a foster fail?
Melissa: That's like when you end up adopting your foster.
Aicila: Ah,
Melissa: But I'm like, that's not a fail. That's
Aicila: it's, no, you just bonded.
Melissa: yeah,
Aicila: That that kitten really was clearly the right one for you. 'cause you've had a lot of options. There were many kittens in the, in the sea, I guess. I don't know how we're supposed to say that, but there lots of kittens in the sea.
One of the things that you mentioned that you wish more people know, knew, was that a lot of people believe that networking isn't really an effective business growth strategy if someone's introverted, anxious, neurodivergent or shy. And that you really help people to understand how to network in a way [00:03:00] that feels good to them.
And I actually, I totally agree with you. So this might be boring for people because we're probably just gonna be That's so cool. That's so cool. I just feel like, you know, even if you're shy or neurodivergent, you tend to have relationships and networking is all that is, is relationships in a, in a business setting.
So I'm really curious how, how you approach that with people or what you've seen that is effective or helps people to kinda get, it doesn't have to be this salesy, weirdo thing, as you said in your bio. And more about really connecting with people in a way that actually feels good to you.
Melissa: Yeah, absolutely. And that's one of the reasons I really wanted to be a guest on your podcast is because I love the idea of doing things different than usual.
Aicila: Mm-hmm.
Melissa: I think part of the reason why networking has gotten so weird and why they're all. Are so many salesy weirdos and it feels so awkward to some of us, is because people are showing up to these networking events or networking groups or wherever, kind of with this mask on, right, of like, everything is perfect.
I have it all together. [00:04:00] I'm super successful. I got up this morning at 4:00 AM and went to the gym before my kids were even awake. Like, because we think that's who we need to be in order for people to like us and trust us, take us seriously, wanna do business with us, wanna refer us, right?
Aicila: Mm-hmm.
Melissa: We all go there like trying to be this person that we're not. And especially for empaths, neurodivergent people, introverts, people who are shy
Aicila: Yeah.
Melissa: we pick up on that energy and then it's like, not only do I not wanna fake it, but I'm now in this room of all of this fake and it feels terrible.
Aicila: Mm-hmm.
Melissa: just love the idea that there is a way to do business, whether it's networking or marketing or sales or whatever it is. There's no one right way, right? I mean, that's a terrible sales slogan because if you wanna make sales, your, your message should be like, my way is the way,
Aicila: Mm-hmm.
Melissa: the best way for everyone, so pay me the money. But the truth is, there are things that are [00:05:00] gonna work for some people that aren't gonna work for other people.
And when it comes to networking, there's a lot of different options. There's a lot of different formats. I think people think a lot of networking as like a leads group or a referral group where it's just very transactional and cold and impersonal and. It is, you know, I did something for you, so you do something for me.
And there are groups like that. And those groups are great for some people. Some people really thrive in those groups. Other people do a lot better in the groups. Where there are is more of a focus on relationships. Some people really like the events where there's not a lot of structure. It's just like. Get a drink and mingle and chat, like that kind of event is my worst nightmare. I would rather do just about anything than go to a mingle event. But you give me a networking event where it's like, okay, you go sit at that table with those five people. We're gonna give you a topic to discuss for eight minutes and then tell you which table to go to next. I could do that all day long. That that's just enough [00:06:00] structure for me.
Aicila: Hmm.
Melissa: feel like awkward and stressed and anxious. So it really is. And then there's some people who they're gonna do their networking, not at a networking event, not in a networking group. You can network anywhere. You have an opportunity to create connections with other people.
Aicila: Hmm.
Melissa: you're doing it in your local hiking group, maybe you're doing it in a book club, maybe you're doing it. You know, I don't know, at your son's baseball game, like there's a lot of different places to do it. You just have to find. The way that feels the most natural and comfortable for you, and just keep trying different formats and different options till you find what that thing is.
Aicila: That matches my own experience as well. And also I think one of the things that you said is, I, I, I, I think for you, and you probably already know this, your audience is people who are gonna appreciate the auten authenticity of saying, no, I'm not selling you a solution.
In a lot of ways, it's also a place that I've switched to in my life is I'm not looking for answers. I'm not offering [00:07:00] answers. I'm looking for frameworks. Ways to evaluate circumstances and opportunities and ways of showing up that give me some sense of how to identify my best path or my critical actions.
And I, I wanna share frameworks that I wanna find them. I don't want somebody who's got the three steps to be the best networker. Like I want someone like you who says, here's how you analyze who you are, how you show up, what works for you, what you need, and then the circumstances that best allow you to express that.
Melissa: Yeah, I spent so much time, you know, before my powerful women rising business, I was a dating relationship coach for through six or seven years. And in the beginning of that business, I didn't know anything about business. I thought I was just gonna be like, I'm a coach who wants coaching, and everyone was just gonna line up and throw their money at me, and it was gonna be great. in the beginning of that business, spoiler alert, didn't go that way. In the beginning of that business, I spent so much time and money on all of the things that I thought were [00:08:00] gonna be the answer, right? Like, they weren't maybe necessarily the, the most effective thing, but they were great marketers.
They convinced me it was the answer,
Aicila: Yeah.
Melissa: it's so hard. When you do those things and you're like, I'm following all the steps, I'm doing all the things the expert says is like the way to succeed and it's still not happening for me. That creates a lot of shame. And it's like, why is this working for everyone else but it's not working for me?
Well first it's probably not working for everyone else. Everyone else is just too afraid to say it 'cause they're feeling the same shame that you are. But I eventually figured out like, why do I keep going to other people for the answers about my business? I would never go to other people to answer questions about my marriage.
I would never go to other people to answer questions about what I should do with my body, right?
Aicila: Right.
Melissa: am I going to these people, asking them to answer questions and make decisions and tell me what to do about my business? And I think a lot of that [00:09:00] is just that self-trust, like getting to the point where you are like, okay, I'm gonna do it my way, and if it doesn't work, I'm gonna be okay with that.
But at least I'm gonna know that I did it my way and I did it in a way that felt good and in alignment and in integrity with my values and what I believe. And. really the bottom line of finding, the way of networking that works for you is like finding the way that you do it. That doesn't make you feel like you need to take a shower afterwards.
Aicila: Right, that you feel like you're showing up effectively. And I, I think also for, for people that I work with, a lot of business advice is for really big companies. Like a lot of the stuff that you see out there. And then, then there's the folks that you're talking about, I think that they sell to desperation and, and the reality is that if you are in any way self-aware or self-evaluating, you recognize you don't know everything. And that you're gonna need to learn or get some guidance or, or whatever.[00:10:00]
And there's this zone of business education. I'll maybe say that in quotes for the audio people here, that that is about capitalizing on that self-awareness and the desperation of like, I, I need to figure out how to build my business. Or I have this idea I believe in and people aren't just showing up.
And then they, they email you and they say, I'm gonna get you $10,000 in business next month or two weeks. And you're just like, wow, that's cool. You're gonna do it. And I'll just have it. Great. And. Sometimes it's not even disingenuous. Sometimes they're selling you something you don't have the structure to, to manage or receive.
I feel like a lot of times it's pretty predatory
Melissa: Yeah.
Aicila: and that I, I'm right there with you in that when I work with people, my first step is to say like, let's start with how you wanna do it, is just fine. Might even be the best way possible. Let's. You know, sometimes people aren't ready to hear that, so that's fine.
You know, we will just start with whatever you can receive. And then once you feel that clarity, like you're talking about, like, I'm okay, I got this. [00:11:00] Then all right, let's look at tools or frameworks or support systems that help you to amplify what you're already good at or limit the things that kind of drain you, but, but you don't have to try and be somebody else to be successful.
Like you're the one that came up with this idea. You got here. Look at all the things you achieved, right.
Melissa: yeah,
Aicila: One of the things that you said that I thought was a really great framework is that there's a distinction, which is that instead of thinking of networking as a way to find clients or make sales, literally think of it as a way to build your network and get some sense of how to connect in that way. And I know like I do a lot of projects, not based so much on the project, but on the person I'll be like, oh, I really wanna work with this person. What can I do that they would be excited to do with me? As opposed to what is the project? And that's worked out for me because I also think there's a lot of joy in working with people.
But I'm curious, like if you could expand a little on that, the, the difference that you see between building your network or finding clients and making sales.
Melissa: So I think a [00:12:00] lot of people go into networking thinking that that's the purpose, to find clients and make sales, and Absolutely, that's what we all want, right? That's, I mean,
Aicila: Yeah.
Melissa: pretend like we don't, we're not in business because we don't wanna make money. But when you approach it from that perspective.
You go in with the energy of like, what can I get here? What can I take? What, who's, who's here to do something for me? Right? And that's very salesy, weirdo energy. And you're probably going to say things or act in a certain way that is gonna be off putting to people. Because just as you came there to sell your thing, everybody else came there to sell their thing, right?
They didn't come to buy your thing. Like nobody shows up at a networking event. Usually, I shouldn't say nobody, but typically people don't show up at a networking event. Like, who, who, who can I buy from? Who at
Aicila: Hmm.
Melissa: event has something I wanna buy? Right? Most people are going, who has, who wants to buy something from me? so when you shift your focus to, [00:13:00] I'm not here to sell, I'm not here to find a client, I'm here to grow my network. That really changes your energy and it changes how you approach. Conversations, it changes how you show up when you are talking about what you do. And it changes the impression that people are getting of you when you're introducing yourself or when you're having a one-on-one conversation or whatever it is. Um, because you're just approaching it from a very, like, curiosity place, right? Like, I just wanna know about you. I'm really interested. I, I never knew that was even a thing. How'd you get into that? Like. And that's what people really are drawn to. There are. Actually studies they, they have done of the brain that show that the same part of the brain that lights up when people feel loved is the same part of the brain that lights up when people feel seen or heard.
And so if you are showing up to these networking events, making people feel seen and heard, you are automatically creating a connection with them. Like they're gonna be like, I like this lady and I don't even know why. Like I just, [00:14:00] I can't put my finger on it, but I want to know her better.
Aicila: Hmm.
Melissa: When you are approaching it from the perspective of growing your network, that really helps you be more intentional because you can think like, where are the gaps in my network? that's gonna change from time to time, right? Like maybe right now your focus is really on speaking. You really wanna get on stages, you really wanna be a guest on podcasts. That's really your like visibility strategy right now. So when you're going to networking events. who you wanna bring into your network, right?
You wanna bring in somebody who knows a lot of podcast hosts, or you wanna bring in somebody who is very connected to a lot of different entrepreneur groups in your area who maybe could put in a good word for you as a speaker. Maybe you're looking for somebody who just is very active on linkedIn because you're also very active on LinkedIn and now you just become people who engage with each other on LinkedIn, and that's just the role they play in your network. Um, so there's a lot of different roles that people play in your network, but the way [00:15:00] I like to think about it is there's a definition of networking from like 1914 that is a broadcast system of multiple transmitters. Now obviously this was talking about like radio, um,
Aicila: Hmm.
Melissa: I think it really applies to business too because. You think about yourself doing business all alone, right? You have one transmitter and that's you. So
Aicila: right.
Melissa: anybody who's gonna hear your message, who's gonna hear your offer, whatever is only, they only have one opportunity to hear it, and that's from you. And you're only one person with 24 hours in a day.
Aicila: Right.
Melissa: can only do so many coffee chats. But now, if I have a relationship with you and you become a transmitter, you're a part of my network and I have a relationship with Sally, she's part of my network. Now I have two more transmitters, right? So I can get my message not only to the people in my network, but I can get the message to the PA hundred people in your network and the hundred people in Sally's without me having to go meet those 200 [00:16:00] people at a networking event, have coffee chats with them, send a follow up email, do all the things. And at some point you are sending those people, the right people to me as warm leads, even though I've never had the conversation with them because they already know, like, and trust you. And so if you know, like, and trust me, that's good enough for them.
Aicila: Mm-hmm.
Melissa: like the big picture of how networking is meant to work.
And I think when you think of it more like that just as that like creating a genuine connection, building a real relationship with someone, looking for ways that you can provide value, what can you do for them? How can you support them, um, that's really the foundation of how those relationships get started.
Aicila: I, I like the, the, the network, like the radio networking concept, and that's kind of, I haven't thought of it in that way before. That's really interesting.
Melissa: Yeah.
Aicila: thank you. So what does success look like to [00:17:00] you?
Melissa: I would say in my business. It is continuing to grow the powerful women rising business growth community, um, that community. It's funny, our conversation about like doing it your way rather than how the experts say you should. When I decided I wanted to start that community, um, literally like two days later, I went to a weekend conference, for my, my coaching mentor was putting it on and she was coaching this woman on stage, and the woman on stage said. I am thinking about starting a membership and you know, I have some questions about it. What should I do, blah, blah, blah. And lady said. Have you made six figures as a one-on-one coach yet? And she said no. She said, absolutely no membership. She said, nobody should be starting a membership unless they have consistently proven that they can make six figures as a one-on-one coach. I was like, oh, well, shit. Like I literally had just spent days like, oh, I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna have this membership, this is gonna be amazing. And then like all the wind was taken outta my sails. And I was
Aicila: Yeah.[00:18:00]
Melissa: now what am I gonna do? And then I thought about it more and I'm like. I know the reason I wanna build this community, right?
Like it doesn't make any sense to be teaching build your bus business through connections and relationships, but let's do it one-on-one,
Aicila: Right.
Melissa: it just makes so much more sense. Let's let's do it in a community. And so that was really like me trusting myself and knowing maybe this is gonna be slow.
Maybe there's gonna be a big learning curve. it's gonna be hard to sell because networking is a. More of a slow burn than an overnight success. You know, I was listening to a podcast you just did recently about visibility versus connections, and your analogy was so good about when you're hungry and you eat a bag of Skittles. You, do you remember
Aicila: Yeah. Yeah.
Melissa: Okay. Um, like, whoa, what did I say? That's so
Aicila: Like Thank you.
Melissa: And basically what you said was like, you're hungry and you eat a bad bag of Skittles. And that's like immediate gratification, right? You're [00:19:00] like, oh my God, that was so good. I loved it so much. But after that immediate gratification, you're still hungry.
You've not nourished your body, you haven't really done anything for your long-term success. You just have fixed it in the moment versus. which is you like actually preparing a meal, buying groceries, getting a vegetable, cutting it up, cooking it, right? Like that takes longer. It takes more effort and. It is so much more satisfying and it's so much more sustainable because you're not gonna be ready to eat again in 30 minutes. And so I kind of think of networking as that like meal.
Aicila: Yeah.
Melissa: And so that's really my mission and my definition of success is to get more entrepreneurs to realize that. That networking really is like the most underrated but sustainable form of business growth that there is. And I really feel strongly about the powerful women rising business, uh, growth [00:20:00] community because I think there's nothing else out there like it. There are networking groups are like. Business coaches or coaching groups or mastermind groups, there's nothing. So you have to choose one or the other.
Aicila: Right.
Melissa: where you get to do all of them in one place. And, um, seeing the connections that have formed between among the women in the community, they're not just having networking conversations, they're also helping each other work through business challenges. They're celebrating each other's success.
Like, it just creates such a different and amazing dynamic where they are like. Rooting for each other, almost as hard as they're rooting for themselves. And so me, success is just continuing to create that culture and build that community for people.
Aicila: Yeah, I mean, it sounds amazing. Uh, that, and, and, and very much needed. And I think too, to your point about the. It's, for me, it's, it comes down to that [00:21:00] default behavior, like there things become trendy. So everybody wanted to have a membership group for this period of time. And, and it's not for everybody. Because it does require that you foster connections that you show up in certain ways or it's just another, empty Facebook group or Mighty network or whatever it is that, that people are like, oh yeah, did I pay for that?
Melissa: Right,
Aicila: I, I think that there's a, there's a, the tending to it that much like what you talked about when you started your business. There's this period of time where you're like, oh, I'm gonna start a membership and it's gonna be everything. And it's like, no, that's actually how it works. You have to actually be interested in the fostering of things.
So, and you're like trusting yourself, especially with what you are doing. A membership group just seems like a no brainer. Like you, this is a place for people to connect to, for you, to help people kind of see a sense of what that, how that can show up and, and affect things.
Melissa: Yeah, and it's cool too because it gives people who think they're bad at networking, who think networking isn't for them, who think they're too shy or too weird or too [00:22:00] imperfect or whatever. A place, like a safe place to practice. A safe place to like realize that they can be good at networking and practice talking about what they do, practice creating those connections.
So then when they go out. In other more traditional networking groups, they feel more comfortable and they're a lot more effective in what they're doing.
Aicila: Yeah. What advice would you give your 18-year-old self?
Melissa: Oh, geez, Lord. Nothing. Nothing. Because she would not listen. I
Aicila: like she said, anything.
Melissa: I would not even bother wasting my breath. Gosh. 18. You know, I think the biggest thing for me would be. If I would listen to myself would be trust yourself and make your own decisions.
Aicila: Hmm.
Melissa: have to do the thing just because it's what you're supposed to do. You
Aicila: Yeah.
Melissa: mean, I graduated from high school in [00:23:00] 1999 and I was, you know, I, I come from a white middle class educated. Family. And so I'm, I'm, I'm recognizing my privilege and what I'm about to say, but it was very like, college wasn't even a choice. It was just like
Aicila: Yeah,
Melissa: that
Aicila: that's what you do.
Melissa: high school and you were gonna go to college and then it was a given that you going to graduate from college. married, have a baby. was a given that you were going to go work for somebody else. Right. And the, all these points in my life where I realized like, I don't actually have to do this. Like, there was a point in my life where I, I'd never even stopped to think like, do I wanna have children? Like
Aicila: Mm-hmm.
Melissa: course, like that's just what you do.
Right? And then all of a sudden, one day I was like, do I wanna have children?
Aicila: Mm-hmm.
Melissa: an entrepreneur was something that never occurred to me because. just wasn't on my radar. Like you don't take a risk like that. You go get a job, a good job, you work your way up, you do [00:24:00] what you need to do, right?
And it, it doesn't matter if you're miserable because they're paying you well. And so I think just that of like, you don't have to do something just 'cause it's what everyone else is doing, just because it's what is expected of you. You can trust yourself to make your own decisions and decide. What you wanna do.
Right.
Aicila: What's something you're excited about in your business?
Melissa: I have been hosting these monthly virtual speed networking events, that are open to the public. You don't have to be a member of the powerful women rising community to join. And I've been doing it for almost two years now, and they've grown from, I think our first ones we probably had 20, 30 people, and now we have usually somewhere between 60 and a hundred. women from all over the world come, um, entrepreneurs in all different industries. And I do it the first Tuesday of every month, uh, from 11 to 12 Mountain Time. And it's just so fun. Like it's my favorite day of the month because it's just so fun to see [00:25:00] people come together and share ideas and. genuinely support each other.
It attracts a really special type of woman and a special type of entrepreneur. Like it's very much advertised as like networking for people who hate networking. And I hear all the time from people that are like, this is the most fun I've ever had. Networking. Like, this is so much better than I thought it was gonna be. And I. I just love it because I love being able to show people that there is a way to do it that is fun, that there are people out there who want to create a community with them and support them. And, um, you know, it's a, I mean, obviously it's a great funnel to the powerful women rising business growth community, but I have women who haven't joined the community and they've been coming to the virtual speed networking event for a year.
So, um, it's just a, it's a really cool opportunity and I love to see who shows up every single month.
Aicila: That sounds great. That and I, I'm like, now I have to put that on my schedule. Everybody else put it on your schedule.
Melissa: Yeah.
Aicila: For [00:26:00] folks who are listening, how do they learn more? Follow you, get in touch.
Melissa: Yeah. Best thing is just to go to my website. It's powerful women rising.com. So you can find the link to my podcast on there. You can find the link to get a ticket to the upcoming virtual speed networking event. You can find more information about the powerful women rising business growth community, everything you ever wanted to know, and probably a couple things that you didn't want to know on my website.
Aicila: Didn't need, didn't know you needed to know.
Melissa: There you go. Let's put it that way.
Aicila: Well, thank you so much. Is there anything else that, that, that is burning inside your heart to share with people? I.
Melissa: I would just say if you are somebody who has tried networking and you don't like it, or you think that it doesn't work or you haven't tried it yet because you think you're not gonna like it or you think it's not gonna work, I would just encourage you to keep getting out there and trying different formats.
You can try. Virtual you can try in person. Like I said, you can try the more structured, the less structured, but keep trying until you [00:27:00] find the thing that works for you. It's like. I use the same analogy that I used with my dating coaching clients. Like, you're not gonna go on one date and then, and it's horrible.
And then you're like, dating is horrible. I'm never doing it again. I mean, you might, and that would be, that would be legit. But for the most part, you're gonna keep going on dates, right? Until you
Aicila: Yeah.
Melissa: that is like, maybe I wanna go on a second date with you. And so think about networking the same way.
You're gonna try different styles, different formats, different ways of doing it until you find what works for you.
Aicila: Mm-hmm. That sounds great. Thank you so much. I really appreciate you joining me today and sharing all these different things that you've learned, uh, and with my audience. Really appreciate it.
Melissa: for having me. It was fun.
I really enjoyed chatting with Melissa. I hope you enjoyed listening. I appreciate her myth busting around networking for introverts, empaths, and anyone who cringes at salesy tactics and just the way that she really focused on the importance of finding a network format, finding a networking formatting that works for you, and remembering that [00:28:00] networking is about building connections, not about trying to ace that sale in the moment.. Don't miss her monthly virtual speed networking events. And check out powerful women rising.com for more on her community and podcast.
Next week I'm gonna talk to MC Laubscher. We're gonna dive into why most traditional financial advice fails business owners. And he's gonna share his contrarian strategies for achieving real financial freedom. Including things like becoming your own banker and building lasting wealth through simple alternative approaches.
Thank you for tuning in to business as unusual. Remember, in this ever evolving world of modern business, it's not about fitting in. It's about standing out. See you next time. Stay curious, stay innovative, and always keep it unusual.
