Connection Fuels Capacity

from the Energy Equation

[00:00:00]

Aicila: Welcome to Business As Unusual.

Today I'm gonna talk a little bit about connection, energy, and how it's not people pleasing. True connection energy isn't about sacrificing your needs or saying yes to everything. It's about intentional, reciprocal relationships that fuel you rather than drain you.

Being in connection doesn't mean being available to everyone all the time.

I ever felt like you just didn't stop working. You woke up maybe in the middle of an email in your head, or you get on the computer and you just keep doing little things all day. Get that text and each of those moments you think, oh, this is just one thing. I'm just gonna handle it. And the cumulative effect is that you spend all of your time, or more of it than is particularly wise or helpful, reacting or responding, or simply being available to people instead of being available to yourself. Okay.

One of the things that we deal with in modern culture is that [00:01:00] because we can be connected all the time, sometimes we feel like we need to be accessible- to anyone whenever they wanna reach us. And what that does is it creates an unrealistic expectation of availability, on yourself, that you can then put onto other people and it drains you. You don't have any space to recharge and reconnect to your inner guidance or wisdom and refuel. So we're gonna talk a little bit about the difference between powerful connections that fuel you and your business and your life and just being accessible or available in ways that might feel like that, or seem to be that, and yet are the opposite.

Let's talk about what connection energy is and what it isn't. In the energy equation, when I talk about connection energy, what I'm talking about is presence, relationship, and aligned resonance. Those are [00:02:00] conceptual, sort of a little bit woo terms. And it, it's really, are you present in your, in your body, in your experience? Are you feeling aligned in the relationship and in the, the goals and the values as opposed to, uh, a default behavior that a lot of folks, uh, creative entrepreneurs and neurodivergent people as well, can get into is more of a, an emotional caretaking, people pleasing or codependence.

If connection feels more like a job than a joy, that's something to look at. And one of the things that I, I think can be a great indicator is do you feel like you need to prove, defend, or explain what's up in this relationship? What do I mean by that? So if you're working with a client, they've hired you to do something and you feel like you're on the defensive. That could be you, that could be something that you bring [00:03:00] to relationship because you have been, uh, in, in situations where the, that felt expected. And a way to test that is don't do it. If you don't prove, defend or explain. And the person kind of pushes harder. It is not necessarily that they're bad, but it might not be an aligned or resonant connection.

If you don't do that and things just get smoother, then you can know that that's, you projecting that into the situation. And there are some business myths that play into it. So for example, the customer is always right. That that speaks to, uh, a service mentality that uh, I think can be good in terms of acknowledging that it's good to get out of your own insistence on being right.

That, that it's important to really notice the experience of your customer. So in that way, that's a useful phrase. However, if you take it too far [00:04:00] and you're a constantly putting yourself out too much, to make sure that the customer's right. That's something to evaluate. The other thing that, uh, is really important to recognize is that there is a glorification of responsiveness over intentionality. And that is also kind of part of the whole hustle culture pressure to be constantly available. And I've absolutely fallen into that. There are times when I feel really compelled to respond right away to that text or that email. And honestly, the, when I feel compelled in that way, it is often a red flag that I am either doing too many things right. And just trying to like knock things off the desk like a cat. Instead of really saying, what does this need from me? How do I show up in this response? And, and making that a default so that when you get those urgent messages, your first reaction isn't, oh, I must [00:05:00] respond. It's, is this the right time? And also, don't check your email when you're like hanging out with your family by the way, that's another way to avoid this. I, and just really think about that. So, uh, recognize that every request that you get for a response is not a sacred invitation. Sometimes it's a, a casual or even unnecessary communication.

So make the shift to reclaim connection as a resource in understanding what healthy connection energy feels like. It should be grounded, mutual, and, uh, recharging, if you will. Pay attention to how you're thinking about a connection. And sometimes it's a habit.

We, we think, oh, we should do this, we should do that. But notice, am I doing this because I feel some sort of obligation? Or am I doing this because I am drawn to this experience or this exchange? And, um, work to notice when [00:06:00] it feels like collaboration versus obligation and

keep moving yourself as much as possible towards collaboration. I do wanna make the distinction, sometimes when people talk about obligation, it's, it can be, um, it can be a little tricky because obviously we need to be reliable in our business and in our personal lives. If we say we're gonna do something, it is important to follow through and there is a difference between that and this feeling of if I don't, something bad will happen. Right? And once again, sometimes that's perspective. Maybe you need to work on understanding how to motivate yourself in ways that aren't about obligation. Because some of us do have that as a tendency. And what that does, if you are someone who motivates yourself out of obligation and you create that and put that on other people. It actually damages your ability to be connected. And [00:07:00] it damages your ability to have mutual resource sharing, because you are creating a draining barrier between you and a genuine connection or collaboration with that other person.

I on it's the worst thing to realize that sometimes we are the reason that we aren't able to recharge and connect in connection energy because we are projecting that obligation onto other people. And it can be, uh, it can feel unsettling to let it go, especially if that's how you motivate yourself. And give it a try and let me know how it goes, because I think you'll be surprised by how much better you feel.

Just remember, true connection expands both parties. It doesn't contract one to stretch for the other.

And for some entrepreneurs and a lot of us, there can be some guilt with saying no or not now. And it's not even always about the other person, [00:08:00] right? Like sometimes that guilt is I'm letting my business down. Or I am not doing enough. Like I have this idea and I've, you know, maybe left my job or put all my eggs in this basket or any of them. And so there's this feeling of, you know, constantly evaluating am I doing enough to, to honor what that is? And, and that can mean that you will sometimes say yes to things that are a bad fit.

If you can work to act in accordance with your values, the people who are a good fit will thrive with you. Work on noticing where in your life are you saying yes out of obligation instead of alignment.

And by, by working to say yes in those ways and no to the other things, you are gonna develop boundaries that preserve your energy to show up authentically.

I think it can, I think it can help to consider boundaries more like energy [00:09:00] containers or the force focusers. Like, you know how when, uh, you have a hose and it's kind of a really low water pressure and you stick your finger in the uh, stream. And suddenly it's focused and intense. And that's what boundaries can do for your energy and your business.

Are you ready to make your relationships feel nourishing instead of draining?

Learn more about the energy equation and the different energies that you use to fuel yourself and your life in your business. Check out my capacity check-in, which I'll link in the show notes, to give yourself a quick review of what your capacity is. And remember, connection doesn't have to cost you.

Let it fuel you instead.

Next week, I'm excited to be speaking with Meg Wheeler, founder of the Equitable Money Project and a host of the Disruptor Money Podcast. She has a lot of practical tips for entrepreneurs and folks working to decode how to use money in a way [00:10:00] that's effective without feeling exploitive.

Remember in this ever evolving world of modern business. It's not about fitting in, it's about standing out.

See you next time. Stay curious, stay innovative, and always keep it unusual.