Bootstrap Baby

Aicila: [00:00:00] Hey, welcome to Business as Unusual. I'm gonna talk about something that came up for me a while ago that I think is still unfortunately relevant. So I used to be a big Facebooker, and I was using it kinda like Twitter, just randomly posting short sentences. This was maybe more than eight years ago. And I wrote, "Hyper-individualism is an American disease."

And it immediately and very helpfully suggested that I could start a group or a fundraiser for this new American disease. No, but thank you for the suggestion.

And at the time, it-- I just told it as a funny story, but it's something that's come back to me off and on over the, uh, past several years, even more so recently. 'Cause I do think it's pretty insidious. So I wanna name some things around this, I'm gonna talk about it. I think it's a, a larger issue that we deal with in, in society, but I'm gonna talk about it [00:01:00] specifically in business.

We talk about bootstrapping, doing it all alone. And we, we definitely, um Hold that up, right, as the way to do it. I did it myself. And it feels like proof, right? Like that we're legitimate. And it's a tricky balance because, yes, your contribution is uniquely necessary. And whether you are aware or not aware, you are a part of a team.

Even if you're working alone, people help you. I see it all the time. I do it myself. And I- it- one of the things that made me aware is that when you think you did it by yourself, and you genuinely believe that you did it all alone. What that means is

You're much better at ignoring the contributions of others and convincing yourself that it's true, not noticing people, than it is that you did it alone. [00:02:00] We all have help, known and unknown, seen and unseen. And even if it's just the, the support of the community that we're in being easeful or the road that we drive on, you know, we didn't build that road.

We, we didn't hack our house out of the jungle. We started with something. And that, and that doesn't... I think there's a... The reason I see hyperindividualism as a disease is I feel like that attitude, that bootstrappy, I-did-it-myself attitude, creates this perspective that

if you acknowledge the contributions of others, it diminishes the contributions that you offer. And that just feels so sad to me. And partially because I believed it too. So, um, and it's interesting because in business I see it, this idea, I go alone, I did it alone.

It can feel like, you know, confidence or control, but it's actually fear, right? It's fear that you're vulnerable. It's [00:03:00] fear that you're not good enough because other people are a big part of your story. And that story can become easier to live with than accounting for your whole situation. And so I think that's just something to notice. And the other thing that happens here is it, it beca- comes this idea that you're responsible for everything. Every outcome is evidence about your character and your worth. And I would say anytime someone's living there, they probably do... Most of us, you know, I'm, I'm pretty organized and competent, so I did that for a long time before the bubbles came up and I recognized that I was running myself into the ground. Uh, and, and I- And it's, but it, but it, it can feel easier, right? To do it yourself. You can run this way for a long time without really understanding the impact on you, your business, and the people that you're surrounded by, the people that you work [00:04:00] with.

The other part of this too is that hyperindividualism, this my personal perspective, and codependence are two sides of the same coin, like needing rescuing and being hyperindependent are, both of those are hyperindividualistic.

They are, uh, separation from your awareness of the contributions of others and of your, the value of your contribution in light of being part of a team as opposed to on its own in a spotlight, right?

So what does that look like in practice? Well, one example is a solopreneur who spends nine months not asking for help, not delegating, and really seeing their exhaustion as a time problem or proof they haven't tried hard enough, they're not productive enough. Then they hit December, and they're desperate to some- for someone to fix it.

They want somebody to take it over, tell them what to do, and it can look like two different problems, but it's really the same problem. Doing it alone and needing to be rescued [00:05:00] are the same distorted math. One pretends other people don't count, and one pretends that you don't. And what you want is to find interdependence, right?

A place where there's a little bit more back and forth.

Another way that I've seen this show up is people that are super micromanaging or they abdicate, and they're just like, "You take it, I trust you." Of course you trust me. You've hired me for the job. But trusting me, trusting my judgment, and knowing what matters to you to be done the way you need it done because that's what's important to you, and communicating that, isn't a lack of trust.

That's clarity. In the same way that micromanagement actually isn't a lack of trust in the other person, it's a lack of trust in yourself, right? But all of those separate you, make you the sole, um, the sole story, the sole character, right? Like people talk about main character energy. But [00:06:00] everybody's a main character in their life and a supporting character in someone else's. And it's kinda nice to know that you get to go back and forth. That you don't always have to lead the story.

So, hyper-individualism versus being codependent. They're, they're both expensive in a way that nobody's ever gonna invoice you for. Between these two extremes is is, is interdependence.

And I don't think we talk about this enough, because it's, it's about being someone who's healthily... You're self-reliant. You understand yourself and your skills. You move forward. You don't wait for someone to give you permission or tell you how to do your life, and you're capable of receiving, of listening to guidance, even seeking input in the places that you're trying to grow or that you're uncertain.

And it's make a contribution that doesn't keep score because you're in a healthy system. Sometimes you get into a system where you start have to paying attention, and I would say that's a sign either that you've got something to work [00:07:00] out in yourself or there's something wrong in the exchange.

And being in relationship with people where you can accept support without immediately calculating what you feel you might owe. And like I said, sometimes that's personal work. Some of us have experiences or habits that create the ideas that we owe 'cause we're, we're afraid of owing if that makes sense.

And that doesn't mean that that person has done that. So you have to kinda discern for yourself which one that is for you. And really think to yourself, like, what does receiving actually look like in practice this week in your business? Sometimes receiving is hiring someone. I'm not talking about free labor.

Like, I, I work with people who are highly independent, highly capable, who have hired me to do things. And they still have to receive that support, right? They still have to make space for me to be able to contribute to their projects, to their success, and to their work. [00:08:00] If they don't do that, then it-- whatever I do still operates sort of on its own.

And so that could be hiring someone to do your website or your social media. It could be calling a couple people and asking them their advice on a path you're taking. It doesn't have to be paid, but it can be because receiving is a larger bucket, but it's really about understanding that you can work interdependently with people. And create a work environment that isn't about you all by yourself.

 Think about some of those ways that you c- you, uh, might receive this week. Or that you might be open to.

And this, this last one, receiving support that you can, accept without immediately calculating the, the cost. I do struggle with that one. Sometimes a, I yearn for the days when I believed I could do it alone. Because this version requires trust. It requires that I trust that [00:09:00] people mean what they say.

I trust that they will tell me what's real for them. If I ask them for support or, uh, bring them into something and that's not a great fit or they need something s- to make it work, that they'll actually talk to me about it. In addition to some of those old habits I have of feeling like it, it feels like a debt.

E- even if I know that I have contributed to them, I often will start there. There can be a fear behind it. Like that debt doesn't have to be real, and like I said, it doesn't have to be the other person, and that can still be a th- a thing that you need to understand. Notice in yourself what contributes to if you have this bootstrappy, hyper-individualistic focus, and give yourself permission to explore that and to consider ways that you might move into a more interdependent space in your business.

I didn't build the road that I drove on this morning, and neither did you. [00:10:00] So there, there are a lot of things that we don't count. There are, there are quiet contributions, systems that allow us to do what we're doing

Think about that. Think about that for yourself. What, what is, what is it that you can see? How can you notice the contributions that you've received already? And maybe even notice the contributions that you give. Not to keep score, but to understand That we're always in this place of giving and sharing, and that's actually a very human place to be.

So with that, I'd love to hear what you're counting or not. Shoot me a email pop into my Substack, socials @BiCurean,

Thank you for tuning into business as unusual, remember, in this ever evolving world of modern business, it's not about fitting in.

It's about standing out. See you next time. Stay curious, stay innovative, and always keep it unusual.