Connection Energy

[00:00:00] Connection energy. Why you feel disconnected even when you're showing up. So you're posting, you're responding to dms, you're attending the zooms, you're, and yet you still feel disconnected. In this episode, I'm gonna explore the concept of connection energy. How it works, how we lose it, and how to rebuild it in ways that actually nourish you.

So connection energy is the connection that you have socially to others in both personal and professional environments- your network, your family, your friends, and even those customer facing moments. It's pretty much your relationships in general. And one of the things that can happen is, you know, a lot of us are dealing with a real sense of isolation and what feels like an extremely connected world. And I am a huge techie, so it really pains me to say we have to put some of our technology down 'cause I love it so much. This is the future. I [00:01:00] dreamed of watching Star Wars and Star Trek as a child. And the other trap that we can fall into as business owners living online in some fashion is the different, the difference between visibility and connection. I think of it like sugar, right? You know, if you're hungry and you have a handful of Skittles, you are gonna feel like you ate something. And after a short period of time, you're gonna be hungry again because that sugar gets into your system. It satisfies your immediate energy need, but it doesn't really fulfill you or give you any nutrients. And so then you hunger for more. And visibility is more like attention.

You know, people talk about living in an attention economy. I don't love that because attention is not really enough. What we really need is connection and community. And that is slow, and that's like that full on complete meal that's got the, the protein and vegetables that you [00:02:00] make and you sit down and consume.

Versus that quick fix of the delicious, but not so nourishing Skittles. So what are signs that your connection energy is depleted? Well, I, if you start really fine, you know, avoiding people, feeling a sense of burden when you need to meet with people or talk to them, uh, complaining a lot about folks in your life or in your, in your business relationships.

And that costs you something, right? Because people can feel whether or not you actually wanna be there. And if you're engaged. I, I was, uh, really close with someone who got very depleted socially. And they became very connected to their phone. Let me go back even to be more clear, there's a period of time where I became, where I was very disconnected socially.

I was I where I was in a space where I had been [00:03:00] very drained in my social commitments. And there was a lot going on and I just didn't have the energy for people. And I didn't wanna admit that to myself. And so I would spend time with people, but be very distracted, very in my phone, very twitchy about one of my friends says, you're twitchy with your phone.

I was like, yeah, but don't take it from me. And I realized that one of the reasons that people were so quick to notice it was that I did tend to be very present with folks. And so when I wasn't being present, they could really feel that difference. And I, I didn't like that. No, it's not different. It was, it was very different.

It was different for them, and it was different for me. I missed details and I wasn't aware that I was missing those details. And so even though I was around them, what I needed to do probably was create some space for myself to be replenished. And see fewer people for shorter periods of time. And really take that time to, to deal with what it was it was [00:04:00] creating that disconnection for me. I also see, and and I, I feel like I know so many people, myself included, who are very guilty of this myth that you have to be on all the time. If you're not always available, if you're not always responsive, then your audience, you're gonna miss something. And I work with a woman, we do a podcast together called Not Dinner Conversations.

I mentioned her before G. And she does a annual social media fast and a connection fast. Like she puts her phone away for like three weeks at a time. Just spends time with her family. And I really think that's great. I was in a hurricane in August last year. And I felt so much better.

I mean, obviously the, the hurricane part was a little unsettling. I felt so much better being completely disconnected from the internet. And feeling that it was the 1990s we had to drive somewhere to, to communicate. It can feel hard to [00:05:00] disrupt those patterns and start small because you also have to train yourself and your team. Because if you have been constantly available to people, they might be reliant on you in ways that or not good for you or them. You have to teach yourselves how to be in that space of interdependence and, and allow for that room for solo decision making and initiative.

By stepping back from this idea that you have to be on all the time. Always be responsive. That's gonna help you be better at what I call responding instead of reacting. And that will create better connections with your clients, better collaborations, it will help you fulfill your mission more effectively.

And you are gonna make fewer mistakes and have fewer moments where you're like, ah, is that really how I wanted to react? Is that how I really, is that really how I wanted that to go? Because when you can really give yourself that space to respond rather than react. You can come from that awareness of the connection you're in and the goals you have and how you [00:06:00] want that project or process to go.

If on the other hand, you're in that space of too much, too much on time, that can lead to a lot of fatigue. Sometimes that can lead you to be overgiving instead of pulling back and withdrawing. And becoming kind of resentful. And the reality is that if you resent other people for choices you're making, that's a you problem.

And that's a, that's a tough place to sit. To really realize like, wow, I am so resentful and it's really on me. That's why I'm resentful. So really consider that, in that, you know, what, what is it that's happening here? Really be conscious. If you are someone who feels like you're, you're always showing up for everybody.

You're respo, you're constantly reacting to their needs. And, and you feel this sense of why doesn't ever anyone ever do anything for me? That's a sign that your connection, energy is imbalance. That you are not really showing up in connection. You're showing [00:07:00] up in reaction or attention or visibility. And you need to take a little space and identify what actual good relationship building is for you.

So engage in some of those practices. They will help you restore your connection energy. And especially if you identify as an introvert where an empathetic leader, it's critical that you be conscious of how you are showing up and what you are giving.

That's where I've seen people really get the most resentful, is the people that have the biggest hearts. And part of having a big heart, and what makes you really good at showing up is having good boundaries. Really understanding what you have to give. What is yours to give and what you actually don't have to give, my daughter likes to say, don't set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.

And I think it's a great question to ask yourself. You know, do I, is this something I need to do? Is this [00:08:00] person really need my direction? And if you are the leader or the boss or the person who says yes and no, or the person, people look to. A, a hard but good question to ask yourself is. Are people afraid of how I'll respond?

Like, do I really let people make their own decisions on something? And, and there are places where for sure you won't. Like I have my clients, trust me. I do a lot for them. And they have areas of territory that belong to them, and it's not them being micromanaging or over controlling. That is them really acknowledging this is my area that I shine in,

that I love, that I thrive in. That is why I do this work, and that's a hundred percent spot on. I I think every entrepreneur that is really creating something is gonna have that. And, and needs to be fierce about what that is for them. If it's not in that zone, let it go.

Let someone else do it that you may not always [00:09:00] love how they're doing it. That's okay. Not everything has to be done exactly the right way. And as you do this and build your business in this way, this will support not just your calendar, but your nervous system.

You'll be more regulated, you'll feel more present. And your, your family and friends as well as your business relationships will thrive because you're not, um, you're not leaning on things in superficial ways. You're not drawing on those deeper relationships to serve the superficial ones. You're not engaging in that, that Skittles connection.

You're really nourishing who you are and how you grow. So I, I hope this helps you really think about ways that you can reconnect to yourself and, and show up in a way that's meaningful and more en enlivening.

 next week join me for some thoughts on the difference between momentum and [00:10:00] discipline. And why reframing that can really help you to create the kind of energy you need to keep your business going.

Aicila: Thank you for tuning into business. As unusual. Remember in this ever evolving world of modern business, it's not about fitting in. It's about standing out. See you next time, stay curious, stay innovative and always keep it unusual.